avatar_1: (Downlit)
I was watching Inception, fell asleep half way through. The following morning, I woke up and flitted around a bit before finishing the second half. By the very end of it, I was dozing off as the end credits rolled. I had a bit of a hard time actually falling asleep. This is very strange for me; I can usually fall asleep pretty much instantly all the time.

When I woke up, it was the next day already, and Dad was driving me to school. He was mad that I wasn't organised and now we were rushing. I looked at my watch, it was 8:47, and I was meant to be there at 8:30. Me, being the rebel I am, tried to hurry and stop him and the same time - what the hell had happened? My naps usually take around 3 hours and here we were the next bloody day. I didn't remember anything, including when I'd gotten ready to go, waking up, or anything else. The last thing I'd remembered was going to sleep the day before.

The only explanation for this kind of memory lapse was that I'd had another seizure.

It's been years and years since I had my last seizure, but that wasn't the worrying thing about this one - they had never occurred like this one did. Usually I'm awake when it happens, and I usually experience an aura before it happens that I remember after I wake up from the sleep-induced seizure. Nothing like that occurred here. This one happened while I was sleeping.

My parents were kind of terrified and seemed to want to rush so as to make nothing look out of the ordinary to anyone else, which explains why they were upset. They've always preferred having things their way and not having to explain themselves, not even to me. They just had an expectation for me to do as I was told. The whole thing made me angrier to get my facts straight. I wanted to know what the hell happened, and they were the ones who clearly knew more than they were telling me about what had happened. They must have known, at the very least, what happened before I ended up in the car with dad. They were awake, and with me at the time, in the period where I simply had no memory.

But I was running late for a game that I had to attend, and participate in. As usual, I did have some reason to actually do what my parents were telling me to do, rather than find out what happened to me. My parents insisted I wouldn't be playing that game today, that they'd already sorted it out. This had me fuming. Like any seizure, afterwards, I was feeling fine - I basically felt like my "nap" was finished and nothing else (bar my spotty memory). They wouldn't relent on the idea that I'd be playing after I "needed to reset" (in their words), so I went off anyway, let them drive me in.

When we got there, I had every intention of checking in with my coaches so we could do what we were there to do, and my coaches seemed to take an active interest in having a chat with me, in a very concerned manner. In the way that anyone would be after some sort of serious sickness had taken hold of a person. As if they knew what happened. My parents had obviously told them about the seizure in advance; another piece of my missing memory revealed. If my parents had answered me when I'd asked them what had happened instead of rushing me to do as they'd wanted, this would have come up. In any case, I assured my coaches I was fine and fully capable of playing. Their concern rose - they obviously didn't agree, but I pressed them, and I was going to prove I was okay.

They'd organised a helicopter for our team to get to the game, and everyone was in uniform, including shorts. I was wearing long pants, and was already kind of hot. I obviously didn't come prepared just from the look of me. How had I forgotten this? My parents obviously didn't remind me because they didn't want me playing, and this would almost certainly exclude me. Even if I wanted to play, I'd be sweating to pieces if I'd tried. No wonder nobody believed me. I was dressed like anyone there, except a player in uniform. I didn't care, I wanted in. I got in the helicopter with the other players.

Some of them tried talking to me about where I'd been, and they seemed to feel like something was off. Of course there was, why the hell was I dressed like that? I looked like a spectator. Most of them eventually filed off the helicopter to talk to someone else or to talk between each other privately, I couldn't tell.

Some other semi-interesting events from then on occurred that I can't really remember. But it felt like I was getting nowhere. I was still so stumped about what the hell had happened the past day or so, and what was going on now.

Then I woke up. It'd only been a couple of hours since I napped, not a full day. I don't live with my parents, I haven't been going to school now for over a decade, I don't play any sports. And I didn't have a seizure.
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avatar_1: (Default)
Yesterday, I found myself chasing trams home from work, and wondering why I ever loved doing this.

Today, I did something quite different, and found myself trusting my instincts again, finding something changing within me once again. Like I was suddenly, just for that short time, flowing and on the right track, again.

Striving for routine, addicted to change.
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avatar_1: (Riverlook)
After I went through the enlightenment, the message was clear. You are never alone, even if it feels like you are, even in the worst of circumstances.

Or another way of following up on that idea in practise: if you ever feel like you're alone, remind yourself of the logic that you're not alone.

I live thinking that at the back of my mind everyday. So well did the message get through to me that I made it a core belief in myself.

Yet I go through each day thinking everyone I meet is so different. Sometimes the feeling is so overwhelming, it momentarily makes me question that single fact. But then I remember that my emotions are just getting the better of me, and dismiss the thought, correcting myself.

The similarities between myself and other people must be there. If not completely, at least in part. Talking to people on the internet or seeing what they have to say when they talk will regularly prove it (albeit not with everyone, but that's not the goal).

I'll clarify: I'm not looking for someone or some people exactly the same as me; that's probably not possible and that doesn't bother me. I'm looking for a particular quality in someone.

One of the things which disappointed me about my state of affairs in Brisbane was that I thought I'd found it. That I was lucky enough to know what it felt like not to be alone. But after a certain point, I realised I had, for the most part, been kidding myself. For years. We all were, to some extent. We sacrificed a lot of who we were to fit into some sort of societal norm. We did things out of character and made them part of ourselves - for the sake of other people around us.

We cope with it quite well usually, because we want the best for ourselves and turn that change into something that we want to do, something that we (passively) decide we like.

But on the whole, we are sometimes made to do things we don't want to do. Made to be someone we don't want to be. We temporarily become someone we are not.

We feel fear, because we don't want to disappoint our peers, or feel left out.

We feel frustration, because not being able to be who we want to be makes us feel trapped, and we often don't realise what's happened.

We get angry at each other. We don't try to understand the minority opinion if it's too far out there, for all of the above reasons.

We risk rejection, the all-too-common cause of fear that stops us doing great things with our lives.

I want to find people who understand this. Who have an active passion to participate in getting this idea out to people, and in finding radical ways to pursue change. To pursue an improvement. To break away from the norm we have so well imposed on ourselves, even if only because we didn't know any better at the time. To be able to say to yourself that maybe everything you know, that so much of the way you do things, is wrong. That so much of it is keeping you stuck in your routine, and has very little to do with unlocking your potential as a human being with a limited amount of time to spare in this world.

If we did, imagine what problems we could resolve. Less fear. Less frustration. Less discrimination. Less rejection.

Less feeling alone.
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avatar_1: (Uplit)
I got a sweet new phone the other day that is finally internet capable which finally allows me to post in here on the go - something I've wanted to be able to do for a long long time.
Will probably need to find a proper android lj client so I can correct spelling errors like that one back there that I have totally noticed but can't seem to select to fix it.

Fun post coming up soon, promise. I know it's been weeks to months.

edit: Spelling error fixed!
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avatar_1: (Invincible)
I didn't realise my birthday was coming up quite so soon. When it's a month or a week away, you feel like you have some time, but then you sleep for a bit and game for a day and come home from work and suddenly you're barely a day away.

I don't update much anymore, though I still should. It was meant to be about what I feel. But I can sum that up pretty easily, why take the effort of a full post. Especially now.

I feel distant, yet I feel clarity.
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avatar_1: (Chaos)
External rewards and Jesse Schelle's Amazing Lecture

This 30 minute video was first posted on Overclockers in Febrauary, and I've been coming back to watch it about once a month. This article and the comments that follow are a brilliant back and forth commentary over it.
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avatar_1: (Uplit)
<bongboy> you know, i'd almost forgotten why i've purposely avoided having a girlfriend until the other night when i was at a friend's place and a friend of a friend was being all bitchy and emotional and mentioned a few times that she's having her period, at which point i though, "oh yeah, that's right"


ahahaha
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avatar_1: (Quenton)
The worst gaming session (of D&D)
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avatar_1: (Magic)
Tonight I heard the best reasoning for being in a relationship that I ever thought I'd hear.
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avatar_1: (ReturningFire)
[22:45] * Mekkis violently throws a canister of flamethrower fuel at Brunius_AFK
[22:57] [Ballig] you're violently throwing liquid at someone?
[22:57] [Mekkis_T41] it's in a canister
[22:58] [Avatar] how do we know it's flamethrower fuel
[22:58] [Avatar] maybe it's a canister of coke
[22:58] [Avatar] or, heck, water!
[22:59] [Ballig] he's violently throwing a bottle of water at someone
[22:59] [Ballig] quick, call in the special tactics team, he's a maniac
[23:09] [Avatar] who throws a shoe
[23:16] [Ballig] you fight like a woman
[23:34] [Avatar] how appropriate. you fight like a cow
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avatar_1: (Horror)
Yes Minister meets Alice in Wonderland

A very interesting article on where money goes when you work for the Australian government. Interesting even if you aren't really into politics. There must be a way to stop this.
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avatar_1: (Personal)
There's one stage of my life that I've always remembered as feeling the worst I've ever felt. For lack of a better word, I've always referred to it as the one time in my life I felt suicidal.

For a long time while I was in school, I took a lot of shit from a lot of people for reasons I could never quite understand. First, it made me leave Mackay altogether to go to school in Brisbane for grade 8. That was the first time I was able to change my life. It wasn't perfect though, there were still a few dickheads in the bunch that would always make it their life's goal to give me shit and drag me down, and while I still held it together, they did so reasonably successfully.

A couple of years later, grade 11 started, and while the dickheads and a few of the better people left, a new dickhead arrived into our group and managed to make my life so miserable that I was at the point that it was becoming difficult to function socially at all. I even consciously experimented with this - all I had to do was say anything, and I'd be ridiculed over it. Communication became impossible unless people were in a particularly good mood.

I actually got so good at predicting when this would happen just by observing the circumstances of what else was happening, it became as natural to me as being able to determine what colour the sky was.



Then, half way through grade 12, we went on a camp to Magnetic Island for three days.

Day 1 came and went and there wasn't much to it. We played a couple of games of poker, we went to the beach. The first activity we did was something to do with your relationship with yourself. How you see yourself. It was standard enough that it didn't hang around with me. It was later that night that I thought I'd had enough of everything. I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to go home. It kept on torturing me in my head as I fell asleep.

Day 2 was something quite different.

The next activity we had to do was about your relationship with others. I still didn't care for doing anything with anyone, and I was as sceptical as anyone in school who didn't want to be there of what we would possibly get out of whatever they were trying to teach us here.

Here's what happened.

We got given a bit of paper, saying "Sometimes I don't feel so good. This is because.......................". Fill in the blank. Don't put your name on it, just put it in the box in the centre of the room. We didn't know why we were doing this, and didn't give it a lot of thought.

Mine said something like "....because everyone's against me." I was sure that this would seem pretty bad to whichever one of the teachers were going to read it, but it was anonymous and I was angry as hell with the world, so whatever. I didn't care that it would seem extreme compared to what anyone else would put down. I was hoping to get the message across that someone was feeling like absolute shit.

A few minutes later, they explained what they were going to do: they were going to read out what all of them said, to everyone. At first I panicked when I heard that, but whatever - it was anonymous. I went back to wanting this to run its course and be over.

And then what happened next was not what anyone expected.

Every single note was equally as troubling. Every single person in that room was feeling shitty, at least at some point, to the same extent as mine.

Can you imagine that, they said, that everyone you know in this room, everyone you've been going to school with for however many years, people you thought you knew reasonably well, probably felt the same way as you do.

And was it just everyone in the room? Of course not. It couldn't be. It would be everyone in other grades as well. Everyone you go past on the street. In shopping centres. In the world.

You couldn't help but think of the implications this little revelation had if you hadn't thought of it before. After all, nobody could possibly feel the deepest pain you've felt.

Right? Wrong.

A couple of people probably didn't get it, or chose to ignore it, but it was suddenly pretty clear that regardless of any groups our grade had been in at lunchtime or who we were friends with, this had changed us. In one way or another, in our heads, we felt united.

The teachers running the activity then reminded us that we were in grade 12, the school leaders. They asked us how this would affect us when we were leading other people. This was a footnote, but the message was still clear - there was a certain obliged responsibility here to use this very valuable lesson with other people.

No longer could we use the excuse that we felt alone. We were just given virtually undeniable proof that we weren't.



For the rest of the day, the rest of the activity was to set up an envelope with our name on it. Hang it up, and write affirmations - not anonymously - to people who you wanted to recognise something good about.

The entire event got people talking, a few of us, myself included, were actually complaining that we'd be able to get our notes back the same day, because we wanted to write one for just about everyone, and wouldn't get time.

The rest of that day, and from then onwards, made that camp turned out to be a pretty damn good time with everyone enjoying themselves.

I still have that affirmation envelope with every note that was in there, 10 years on. Nothing since then was ever able to change my life quite as strongly as it did that day.

Everytime I look around at other people when I go about my life, that thought is programmed in me. In terms of how we feel, there is no such thing as being alone. The pain you feel, at its worst, gets no worse than it does for anyone else - whether you know them or not.
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avatar_1: (Riverlook)
I was going to do a decade in review post over new years, but it seemed like the past 10 years has been my whole life.
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avatar_1: (Aged)
FUCK christmas

and FUCK people who wake you up to say merry christmas
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avatar_1: (Invincible)
Feeling pretty damn good after making that last post.
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avatar_1: (Chaos)
Following up from yesterday's post, generally everytime I sit down at my computer after I get home to see what's going on, I'm immediately confronted by too many exciting and wonderful things that anything I had intended on posting on my journal is blown out of the water.
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avatar_1: (Analyse)
The self-serve registers in Coles are nowhere near as good as the operator controlled ones.

Still, better than waiting.
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avatar_1: (Default)
I've now got the new LiveJournal Messenger. My Windows Live ID is avatar@livejournal.com. Sign up now and we can chat! Edit: Disregard the lame automated message above, but this is actually pretty sweet. It's MSN web messenger, basically, and you can talk to any of your msn contacts through it as well. And you can sign in using your @livejournal.com account, I think.
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avatar_1: (Aged)
What a day.
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avatar_1: (Aged)
Every time I go back to see what's going on in [livejournal.com profile] brutal_honesty, I feel a little bit stupider.
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avatar_1: (Analyse)
As much as I hate Twitter, I can't help but notice the last bunch of posts I've made here are about 160 characters or whatever the limit over there is supposed to be.

The next big post I make here is the one I've been wanting to write for the past 8 years, since I started this journal. But I need to be ready to sit down and write it up. Properly.

(You can bet it'll be friend-locked)
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avatar_1: (Attention)
Jesus fuck, this city is beautiful.
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avatar_1: (Invincible)
Wow, since Lost, Heroes, Prison Break, Dollhouse, Terminator, Scrubs, Amazing Race and The Office are all on hiatus, have finished, or have been cancelled, I have a lot more time to myself every evening!
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avatar_1: (Riverlook)
It only took about 3 years, but the Return trilogy is finally done.

And that's probably the last set of CD compilations I'll be making.
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avatar_1: (Riverlook)
It really seems unthinkable that once upon a time, I would be looking at my computer screen and be astonished that words would appear on it and it would be another person actually saying them to me. Words that I could respond to in the same way.

Unthinkable that once upon a time, this wasn't even possible.
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avatar_1: (Uplit)
You aren't affected by what is going on around you. Your journey is set and clear and presently full of positivity. Don't think you have to have a problem just because everyone else has one. Give yourself a gorgeous break.

Yesterday's horoscope. Wildly accurate, just like today, and every other day. My adaptability is both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I think too hard and it feels like understanding less would be a whole lot more fun. And sometimes, I'm even lucky enough to get my wish.

Today was the first day I got to go home from work after gym since I switched to 9 to 5 shifts. I left the gym at twilight and everything everywhere looked amazing. It would have been nice if I'd taken photos that wouldn't do it any justice, but after my cardio-wracked workout, the only thing on my mind was getting home quickly so I could get to the lemonade stand before they closed at 7.

The best thing was that I got to see the fade to night 3 times: when I left the gym in the city, when I got to Richmond station overlooking the city, and when I was walking home. By that point, it was almost completely dark. Almost completely, because if you looked west, it was completely dark; if you looked east, you could definitely see there was still some patches of light left. It was completely dark by the time I got into my car to keep going, and I know this because I had to drive in the same direction I saw those patches of daylight.
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avatar_1: (Analyse)
What do you need to be happy?
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avatar_1: (Aged)
First earthquake in Melbourne in forever, and where am I? On a train.
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avatar_1: (Invincible)
It's 2009, the 10 year anniversary of a lot of things. School. My last year, grade 12. The year a lot of life-changing things happened, not excluding the deaths of Mark Camilleri and Lauren Fraser.

There was a poem I read somewhere afterwards as part of the rituals that happen after someone's passing. I thought that I originally read it as part of the story on the front page of the local newspaper, but that wasn't the case. The story was much more anecdotal and personal, talking about who they were. I only know this because I still have a copy of that page of the newspaper. Carried it with me from Mackay, to Brisbane, to Melbourne, among the rest of the stuff I saved from school.

The poem is still in there on a separate bit of water-stained paper. I didn't know the origin of the poem and I actually thought it was written by Sam Langford. It turns out that at the time, nobody knew who wrote it. Thanks to the magic of wikipedia, we now know exactly who wrote it.

The only reason this came up at all is because I was just watching an episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and the episode involves a funeral, where someone was reading out this poem. I recognised it immediately and this is the first time I've realised that it wasn't written by someone from school. After 10 years.

It's on this wikipedia page that I looked up the Uses in Popular Culture section for anything else I might have recognised, and the only one that jumped out at me was a song by Jem, called "You Will Make It".

The only reason this jumped out at me at all was because someone I work with recommended Jem to me and gave me some of her music to check out. It seems quite likely to me that I would never have heard of this artist had I not been working here, with him. There was no reason for him to really recommend music - it's not something we would normally do, and at the time, I had no idea why it even came up. I was open, I listened to it, and it wasn't bad.

After taking a closer look at Jem's wikipedia page to see what album this song was on, I found that of the two albums she has released, I have the wrong one. I took a closer look at her more popular songs and gave the one at the top of the list another listen. You see, I listened to her songs, and it wasn't bad. But it wasn't fantastic either, and I've never quite been able to memorise or pick out any of her songs from the others (except one other, which I had planned to use on Retreat as a maybe) and I even have trouble differentiating Jem from the other two artists I heard the same day.

Jem's most popular song was okay. The playlist continued on random. To understand the rest of this, you need to know that in the grand scheme of things, I have not been feeling fantastic lately. I have been looking for answers to my very not-clear questions for a long time, and they have not been coming.

The next song in the playlist was the one that reminded me of something that has been plaguing me, and at the same time holds together my life's foundations every single day.

The next song in the playlist could have responded to the last, reminding me why I need to stay strong. Reaffirming my foundation. Not just motivating me. Like telling me why I want what I want and why I do what I do.

The next song in the playlist told me how to proceed.

And the next song told me not to fucking want to give up.

If all of that is just coincidence and nothing else, I must be having a very lucky day.
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avatar_1: (Analyse)
Note to self: read friends page more often to gain inspiration for writing my own posts.
avatar_1: (Uplit)
I have to post this somewhere so I can close the window and keep a record. A conversation I started with [livejournal.com profile] turtledove after I had been harrassing him to play Left 4 Dead and between the games he tries to make me play on MSN, he was now playing "Trials 2 Second Edition", whatever that is.

10:30 PM - Avatar [ٿ]: why do you have all the shit games and none of the good ones?
10:30 PM - Turtlator!!!: how do you know what games i have?
10:30 PM - Avatar [ٿ]: I've seen you around

(for those of you not in the know, Steam allows you to see what steam game someone is playing in realtime, if they're playing one)

10:30 PM - Turtlator!!!: pfft, you don't see me playing anything on steam that much
10:31 PM - Avatar [ٿ]: that's a good indicator right there
10:31 PM - Turtlator!!!: what would you know about good games
10:31 PM - Avatar [ٿ]: oh I know everything about good games mr solitaire shodown
10:33 PM - Turtlator!!!: solitaire showdown is one of the best games ever
10:33 PM - Avatar [ٿ]: exactly my point
10:33 PM - Turtlator!!!: just cause you're not that good at it
10:33 PM - Avatar [ٿ]: oh dear

The irony of it was that this morning I checked the list of what steam games he actually has, and apart from Trials 2, he has The Orange Box and the Unreal pack, both of which are well-reknowned great games.
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avatar_1: (Analyse)
If I could find a way to make posts from my car, I'm pretty sure I would easily easily easily go back to posting as much as I used to. It's only when I get back home that everything that's in my head is quickly forgotten.

Will have to look up buying a laptop and getting wireless internet, methinx.
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avatar_1: (Personal)
Today, the Return trilogy will be completed.

This is so tough. I don't like putting time constraints on creating these CD compilations, but the simple fact is I could probably work on it forever before I'm 100% satisfied. Even with How To Stop An Exploding Man, my most recent personal compilation, it had one major flaw which I wasn't happy about - it had another slot for a song which I couldn't fill. It was too damn good just the way it was.

Retreat is loosely based on what happened at my Year 12 camp on Magnetic Island - which the teachers actually called "Retreat". This CD is also meant to be based on positivity in general. There are very very few references to any songs that mentioned the word "you", because what happened on the camp was an experience I often refer to as the "Enlightenment" - an experience which involved some open-mindedness, some soul searching, a dash of pure shock, and something that came out of it that I can't adequately describe. The structure of this CD is actually very unique in comparison to my other CDs. It's sort of done in reverse - this is where I am, this is what happened, this is what started it all. Frankly, I'm amazed it works.

Resistance was probably the most fun to make. This could have been the sequel to Love. The theme relates very specifically to self-inflicted emotional torture. The feeling of wanting to be with someone or wanting something, but for whatever reason, willingly or unwillingly, you have chosen not to - instead for whatever reason, you have found yourself in a position to resist the feeling. I wanted this CD to be as painful as possible. No happy ending here. It sounds sadistic, and to be honest, it is. Toward the end it actually starts to soften up and I very seriously considered cutting those songs because they held a bit too much of a theme of hope. The only reason I left them in was because hope is another feeling that leaves you wanting more, but for the moment, also shows that you are still forced to deal with it.

Reunion is literally the idea of what happens in between that 10 year period where your life takes place. Before school ended, there were very few choices about how you live your life. You go to school, you do assignments, you don't have a great deal of choice about who your friends or enemies are, for better or for worse. You're stuck with your teachers for at least a year and they're stuck with you. After school, that all changes, and that's what this CD is about. This is a bit more of a reflective mix which focuses a whole lot less on order than usual, although it was made with being able to play it at the actual event. It's actually a difficult CD to describe because of that. Songs that relate to the passage of time, good times, nostalgia and evolution are all included.

I set a goal set for this trilogy to be completed by the end of this year, and it seems today is pretty much the last day I get to finish this since I'll be in Brisbane until beyond the new year. The other reason, the reason it had to be done this year, is because 2009 marks 10 years since I left school - ready for that reunion.
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avatar_1: (Aged)
Haha, new years resolution... broken.

I won't even bother looking up the stats on this one, they'd be embarrassing.

Some end-of-year posting will be coming up soon though, especially considering the second half of this month is packed full of fruity flavour.
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avatar_1: (Analyse)
In Ultima: Escape from Mt Drash, quite probably the worst and least-known Ultima ever, the lowest rank you can receive in the game shares its name with my work's in-house developed primary application. The application was developed in 2005; Escape from Mt Drash was developed in 1983.

Coincidence?
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avatar_1: (Aged)
I was going to write a nice lengthy not-bitter rant on Why Relationships Suck, until I realised I would probably only succeed in offending 90+% of my friends list.
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avatar_1: (RockyRoad)
I finally managed to wake up by 7am this morning. This means I might actually get to work on time for once. It has been weeks since I got to work by 9am.
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avatar_1: (Uplit)
Valve are cocky enough to think that they can give out "guest passes" to their players to give to their friends to play Team Fortress 2 for free over 3 days, obviously with the idea that even more people will get addicted to their game enough to want to buy it.

What a brilliant idea. It'll work.
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avatar_1: (Analyse)
[livejournal.com profile] silent_remorse has done an awesome job of writing an article in his new blog on his experiences in buying a house, offering a lot of useful info if you're not in the know. It's based on his experiences in Brisbane specifically, but it's still got some great stuff regardless of where you are and it's largely unbiased.

Check it out here.
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avatar_1: (Invincible)
Made it another year.
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avatar_1: (Chaos)
By moving some furniture around a very little bit, I managed to double the space in my living room somehow!
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avatar_1: (Aged)
There's always something to say and it's always too damn late to say it.

I'd really like just one extra hour in each day, but I know I'd likely find a way to spend it up all the same.
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avatar_1: (Uplit)
9 weeks until I'm in Brisbane and 4 weeks until my birthday.

It's a bit weird knowing my birthday has come up as since the beginning of the year, I started to think of myself as "almost 26" and I shortened that in my head to "26", and it got to the point where a couple of times I actually forgot how old I really was - 25 or 26. I'm 25. I'll be 26 in 4 weeks' time.

I was going to go skiing for my birthday and take some time off work, but I think organising the whole thing will just get too tedious. This is saying something, because there's two things I love doing there - skiing and exploring new places, and I'd be doing it at the best time of year. It's a really bad sign to show just how lazy I've gotten and, worse, how much I've gotten to love being lazy. I'd like to say it's a dangerous mix, but if I'm doing what I want to do, it's difficult to dispute.

The same thing sort of applies to the Brisbane trip. I'm going for a week and a half since a week isn't enough and 2 weeks felt like just a bit too much last time, and I want some time to myself when I get back to Melbourne, ideally before and after the trip. Ideally I had in mind to plan every single day of the trip as best as I could before I left because everytime I go there I'm doing stuff a bit too aimlessly.

The next couple of months are going to be quite busy. Or quite lazy. I'm not sure yet.
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avatar_1: (Aged)
Every morning when my alarm goes off to go to work, I feel like I'm about to go on a road trip.

It really shouldn't still be dark when you need to get out of bed.
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avatar_1: (Invincible)
I don't know why, but despite my laziness and lack of motivation when I have free time, the time I become the most active is every Sunday at about 11pm onwards.
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avatar_1: (Aged)
Have these guys never played Grand Theft Auto before? We want the stuff that raises the rating!
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avatar_1: (TwoSides)
I (reluctantly) made a new journal the other day to keep a record of things that happen day to day. I won't link it here, but it's pretty damn easy to find if you're looking. Either way, it's all private, so you're never going to see an entry in it.

One of the side effects of creating a seperate blog is that you tend to neglect the older blog, a problem I'm already having with this journal. Still, the benefits outweigh the downsides and I still feel as determined as before to make sure I keep posting in this journal.

The reason I've created this other journal is that I've seen other people's journals that describe in detail what has happened in their day and I don't care and it bores to me to tears. To be honest, I can see just as easily that what I'm writing in the other blog is actually written in the same style, and is similarly boring as hell to read. It's only any good so that I can recall what the hell happened that day.

I still have a lot of stories to tell, be it stories about the past that explain the way I am today, or ones that happen on that particular day which have struck a chord in some way. And it still feels good to get these things out.
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avatar_1: (Uplit)
This article made me laugh. So let's play a game and find out if you are mentally ill!

[Poll #1160641]

If you suffer from any of these, you might be an internet addict!
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avatar_1: (Hope)
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
--Leo Tolstoy
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avatar_1: (Uplit)
For years and years we've had this channel on IRC called #computers. It isn't a help channel, although people come in regularly asking for help, and years ago we devised a deterrent that served the people in the channel.

This one didn't even take any effort.


[23:05] * Evangelion (6pack@vw20426.bigpond.net.au) has joined #computers
* Topic is '[mZ_2hOt2haNdeL] i didnt need some smartass net hero on some mircrosoft power trip to be fukin rude || For more information on getting help, please see this site: http://voffka.com/archives/012764.html'
* Set by Avatar on Wed Jul 05 19:46:41
[23:18] [Evangelion] avatar that site is fucken digusting
[23:19] [Evangelion] knowing this is a computer channel
[23:19] [Evangelion] not some deranged fetish site
[23:19] [Evangelion] ur a cockhead
[23:20] [Evangelion] disgusting
[23:20] * Evangelion (6pack@vw20426.bigpond.net.au) has left #computers
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